1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Whod you bang
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
