Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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