I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
