I need to stop coming to work sober
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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