you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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