he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
