Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
