I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
