when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize