i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
this hospital has no fireball
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
