Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
and you fell through a lawn chair
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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