Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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