I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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