I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
