I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
