I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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