broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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