Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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