Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize