I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
