How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
