Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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