I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
