I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
