Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
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