I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
