My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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