her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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