if you like me you must not know who I am
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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