Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
