Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
