My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
