I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
