k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
