I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
