We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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