What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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