So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
