i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
