I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
