Do you still have your period?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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