There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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