I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Barsexuality is the new black.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
