wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
