fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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