life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
