I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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