i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
