So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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