Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he fucked my hip out of place.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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