It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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