Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
