my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
