I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
