Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
