Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
