I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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