pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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