I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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