Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
