Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
