You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Can I color on your dick again?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
