She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
