I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
