just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
