Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
