she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
