Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
