So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
